My 15 Minutes

Frank had off on Friday so we spent the day running around, doing lots of errands. Our final stop was the Home Depot where an older orange-apron-wearing-staffer asked me lots of pregnancy questions:

“So when is the blessed event?”

“What are you having?”

“What? A surprise? Don’t you know it’s the 21st century?”

“What are the names you picked out?”

“What? You’re not telling? Well, don’t name it something nobody can spell. My friend Garn had the worst time…”

This went on for another four-six minutes. We finally were able to buy contact paper and refill the propane tank as long as we didn’t make eye contact with anyone else in the store.

When we left Frank said, “So people do this everywhere you go, huh? Let’s count how many people stopped you to talk about your pregnancy today. And we can only count people we don’t know.” (So, for instance, we didn’t count the lady who was preparing our taxes because she HAD to say something. It was relevant to the conversation.)

From the YMCA to the mall to the Home Depot, we counted twelve.

Some were quick, passer-by comments like a guy at the YMCA who said, “You’ve got a built-in floatation device!”

Others are long monologues about their own baby experience like the guy at the jewelry store at the mall who told us, “Oh, not finding out is the best…and everything they say about high or low is BS…I remember with my first…and then with my second…I walked out into the waiting room and told the family…it’s just amazing! Amazing!”

I told Frank when we were counting up my commenters: “This must be what it’s like to be a celebrity!”

Of course, I love the attention but sometimes I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to deal with my public. I said, “Like if I was Paula Abdul, everywhere I go I’m ALWAYS Paula Abdul but to people who see me, it’s like their ONE chance to say whatever they want to Paula Abdul. So everywhere she goes, people are probably like, ‘How do you put up with Simon?’ Okay, maybe Paula Abdul isn’t the best example.”

My preg-celeb days are limited though so I better enjoy them. Soon everybody will just be looking at my baby and totally ignoring me. Go ahead and get your autograph requests in while you still can.