Monday, December 31, 2007

The Cookie Dance

I first learned of BS's love for cookies after I hosted a cookie exchange at my house the second week of December. I had been frustrated because I hadn't felt a lot from BS. I told people he/she must be a very laid-back baby (more like daddy, less like mommy).

But then as I was sitting around scarfing down cookies that my neighbors had brought, I suddenly felt not just one kick, not just two...but a whole stampede!

The next night after I sampled a few more cookies (which I had put in the freezer so I could eat them "later"), I felt more action from BS. "We're doing the cookie dance!" I told Frank.

I imagine that the cookie dance looks a lot like that dancing baby from Ally McBeal:

Over the holidays I had peppermint bark, scotcharoos, Whoppers, miniature Krackels and all sorts of goodies. It was like dance fever in my tummy.

Even if BS does end up being laid-back like Frank at least I know we share a love for sweets...and bad dancing.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Class of 2026

I’ve been telling Baby Simcik about all its potential friends who are being born or will be born soon. Baby Simcik gave me a kick as if to say, "Tell them I'll see them all at freshman orientation at UT!”

Brighton Ryskoski—Born in November to Jaime and Matt

Chloe Heller—Born in November to Amber and Robert

Juliet Willemsen—Born in December to Amber and Corie

Emily Bolton—Coming in January to Donnie and Aimee

Grace Vela—Coming in February to Tricia and Steve

Baby Girl Jacaman—Coming in March to Lindsay and Chuck

Baby Boy Lewis—Coming in March to neighbors Debbie (seen right of me) and Chad (BBL will probably be a Clemson Tiger though)

Baby Simcik—Coming April to Frank and Elsa (Hook ‘Em Horns!)

Baby Robinson—Coming in May to neighbors Claire (seen left of me) and Josh (BR—another Clemson Tiger)

Baby Richter—Coming in June to Stefanie and Jon

Baby Gressier—Coming in July to Jane and Sebastian

We still have openings for August babies—and a roommate for Baby Simcik. He/she will be very neat and won't borrow your child's clothes without asking. Is it too early to book a spot at Jester?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Comparing Apples to Avocados

Every week we get this email that explains what’s going on in my tummy. It describes how the baby’s growing, what I should be feeling and what to expect for that particular stage in the pregnancy.

Frank and I really look forward to this email every week because of one part: the first sentence that compares our baby to an item from the produce department. BS started out as a sesame seed and quickly grew to other exciting beans like kidney and lima. It’s been a kumquat, a turnip and a lemon.

When we got to apple, we were stoked. That was big. Like if I had to hold an apple for an hour, that would get tiring. A kumquat, I could hold that for like four hours. So we cheered for the apple but didn’t consider naming our baby after it a la Mr. and Mrs. Chris Martin.

But then the next week, a big let down. We went from an apple to an avocado. An avocado? I think that’s smaller than an apple. And at the very best it’s the same! After getting that email I actually stood in the produce section, holding up an apple and an avocado. The avocado, in this case, was indeed smaller than the apple.

Two weeks ago we were a banana. That was pretty cool. But then whaddya know? The next week we got another downgrade or same-grade to carrot! Now Frank has changed his usual question to friends and strangers from, “Whaddya think is bigger? An apple or an avocado?” to “Whaddya think is bigger? A banana or a carrot?”

So this week if Frank approaches you with something like, “Whaddya think is bigger? A carrot or a stalk of celery?” you’ll know why. And hey, what do you think of the name celery for a girl?

Friday, December 14, 2007

More Pregnancy Perplexers

I’ve never liked the fact that people often treat new moms like babies. At the baby shower, for instance, people will adorn the mom-to-be in a corsage made of rattles and baby bottles. And the diaper bags! Why would a grown woman suddenly need to carry a purse covered in Winnie the Pooh and friends? It doesn't match anything.

So that’s my mantra: “I’m having a baby, not becoming one.”

But lately I’ve felt like I AM becoming a baby. You know how when babies wear pants and shirts (rather than onesies) their tops always ride up and their bellies show? That happens to me too. I try to wear a shirt that doesn’t hang down to my thighs and inevitably, it creeps up. I look like a three-month old.

And I act like one too. I have to eat every two hours. If not, I get fussy. So if I’m going to run errands, I have to eat right before I go and then I’ve got a two hour window to get everything done.
Yesterday when the dental hygienist told me I’d have to have more work done than I expected, I burst into tears. And when they were done with the work I was smiling again. I might have even cooed at them.

I don’t wear a diaper but I might as well, for as often as I have to go to the bathroom. (Hey, maybe that lady astronaut was on to something.)

So just call me baby Writinggal. At least when BS gets here, I’ll be able to relate. In the meantime, can someone bring me my bottle? I’m getting fussy.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

First Glimpse

Here's Baby Simcik at 20.5 weeks!
Not only did we get to see what BS looks like this week, we've also learned a few things about him/her. We still don't know the gender but we think with these clues you can confidently take a guess on our poll to the right:
  • BS likes to play with its umbilical cord. (Maybe it's actually a cat.)
  • BS yawns.
  • BS likes to hang out upside down. (Maybe a bat?)
  • BS likes cookies.

So have at it. We'll let you know the answer in April!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Friday, November 30, 2007

Defending my People

This is a replica of the note I left on a MAN'S car who parked in the "mothers-to-be" parking spot at Kroger:

Monday, November 26, 2007

Yes, I know my fly is down!

Have you ever gotten home from a long day and just unbuttoned your pants, pulled down the zipper and sat on the couch? Feels good, don’t it?

That is how I live all the time now that I’m pregnant. I refuse to buy maternity clothes until at least 20 weeks (I'm 18.75 now) so I either wear stretchy sweats or I just unbutton and unzip my regular pants.

I can even do this in public thanks to the miracle of the tummy tube! Check it out:

You can't even tell my pants are unbuttoned and unzipped, can you? The tummy tube is just like a tube top. (In fact, sometimes just out of habit I accidentally put it on like a tube top.) It goes over your waist band and it smooshes it to the point where you can’t tell that your pants are basically down. It’s very comfortable too.

In this picture I’m wearing my skinny jeans. They are very small. I am not. It appears as if I just have on a cute layered outfit. I do not. I’m like a pregnant illusionist! I should seriously take this act to Vegas.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Who eats pancakes on a Thursday?

A pregnant girl, that's who. A pregnant girl who saw a commercial for Golden Corral that featured pancakes and said to herself, "I sure would like some pancakes right, you can't have's Thursday! But why can't I? I can have pancakes on Thursday! So you're gonna get all that stuff out and make the big ol' mess just so you can have some stupid pancakes? Yes, yes I am."

It was all downhill after this picture was taken. I only ate one and then I felt sick. Next time I'll just go to Golden Corral.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Bikini Belly

We’re heading to the Bahamas next week for our babymoon. I would add this word to Frank’s daddy dictionary but I just learned it myself. Apparently it’s a trip that couples take before their baby is born. It’s like our last hurrah—sort of like a graduation trip minus the wet t-shirt contests.

I only had one condition for the trip: it had to be somewhere tropical. I was not going to go my entire pregnancy without getting to do that whole pregnant-girl-in-a-bikini look. Finally, no sucking in! No finding that perfect lounge-chair position to properly distribute belly bulge. No more hiding behind a tree or a tall pina colada in pictures because I just ate a big buffet meal.

When you’re pregnant, you can let it all hang out.

But last night Frank looked at my belly and said, “Maybe we jumped the gun on this babymoon thing.” My belly is not bikini ready! I’m only 16 weeks along; there’s not a whole lot to hang out.

“Oh, poor Writinggal. She’s not fat enough for her bikini. Wah, wah wah.”

Wait. You will be crying for me when you hear this: There’s a little bit hanging out, just not enough. It’s this terrible in-between stage where you can’t tell if I’m pregnant or pudgy.

Are the tears starting to form yet?

Imagine this:
“Hey, honey, look at that girl over there. Do you think she’s pregnant or just fat?”

“Well, she’s sucking down a big drink so she can’t be pregnant. I think she just made one too many trips to the buffet line.”

“Hahahahahaha! You’re right! I did see her totally pigging out at breakfast. And look, she’s scarfing down that hamburger and fries. It’s kind of gross.”

“Someone get that girl a sarong.”

“Or Jenny Craig’s number. Hahahahahahaha.”

In my defense that was a virgin drink! And I AM eating for two! Well, one and a quarter.

There’s only one solution: I’m going to have to buy a bunch of those pregnancy novelty t-shirts. They’re like $50 each but a worthwhile investment:

“Yes, I’m pregnant. No, you can’t touch my belly.”
“Does this baby make me look fat?”

“Dying for a drink.”

“He did this to me” (with an arrow pointing to Frank or whoever happens to be on my left side at the time).

“Got pickles?”

“I’ve got the golden ticket” (also works as a tribute to my mothering-idol, Britney!)

The good news is, with all these cool new tops, we might not have to rule out the wet t-shirt contest!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Frank's Daddy Dictionary

Frank is very excited about becoming a dad. (Hint for Christmas: he has his eye on a "Big Daddy" t-shirt like Doug Clayton's).

Ever since I became pregnant, he's had to learn lots of new words. Every time I teach him one I'll share it here. Hey, maybe you'll learn something too. Today, I have two words for you:

Trimester: A three-month period. Pregnancy is nine months (more or less) so there are three trimesters.

Frank is struggling with this one. Being the academic that he is, he prefers to tell people, "Elsa's in the second semester!"

Braxton Hicks: False labor; a pregnant woman may feel these contractions but they're not the "real deal." Our friend Shannon experienced this and when Frank heard us talking about it, he asked, "Is she naming the baby Braxton? I like that name."

Now, whenever we tease him about it, he still insists, "Braxton is a cool name!"

Stay tuned. I can pretty much guarantee there will be more definitions to add to the daddy dictionary.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Pregnancy Perplexers

If this is true then how did Frank's Nana bear eight healthy children?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Good things come to those who wait

Wasn’t that a Heinz commercial? And wasn’t Matt LeBlanc in it?

Anyway, I’m applying it to waiting to find out the sex of our baby. Since statistics (and most people’s reactions when I tell them) say I’m in the minority, I thought I’d speak up for those of us with neutral nurseries.

Here are my favorite reasons to wait:

Finding out the sex before the birth is like opening your Christmas presents in July.

“A baby need’s an entrance!” –Jerry Seinfeld

When the baby’s born it will be so much fun to hear “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” and we can say, “Awwww…” rather than “Duh!”

We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl so why do we need to know ahead of time?

Yellow, green, purple, red, black, white, brown…there are plenty of other colors besides pink and blue

When we tell people we had the baby they’ll be on pins and needles, waiting to find out what it was. If they already know they’ll just ask, “Um, how much did it weigh?”

It’s the last time we’ll ever get to be surprised!

Our parents and grandparents didn’t get to know.

We have the rest of our lives to know what it is. Why can’t we wait a few months? –fellow mom-to-be Halle Berry

Knock Knock. Who's there? I can't tell you until sometime around April 24th!

Friday, October 26, 2007

A message from Avery Clayton, age three-and-a-half

"Elsa is having a baby. It's growing in her tummy. I think it will be a girl baby...because Elsa's a girl."